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Autograph Adventures – Salma Hayek

In my office we eat lunch at our desk—while still scanning Outlook and responding to email with one hand. Only on the nicest days do I treat myself to a midday break, usually a walk to the bank or CVS, to run errands and get some fresh air. On the eve of a spring snowstorm in Boston I felt the need to stretch my legs before the white stuff piled up yet again.

I’m glad I did.

Crossing the street toward Boston Common I walked by a tan-skinned, big-bosomed woman who looked a hell of a lot like Salma Hayek. I knew the actress was in town filming “Here Comes the Boom” with Kevin James but, behind her sunglasses, I couldn’t be completely sure. I had to take the chance.

“Miss Hayek?”Salma Hayek autographed chest

She stopped, turned, and in her unmistakable accent said, “Yes?”

Shocked, I professed my admiration and asked for an autograph in a barely audible squeak. I reached for my wallet to pull out the blank card I always carry (see my recent post on always being prepared) and the mini blue Sharpie I keep on my keychain. Shit, no card. I had forgotten to replace it after graphing Charlotte Bobcats guard D.J. Augustin last week. I looked up, she shrugged, turning away.


In a moment of what I can only describe as insanity, I asked her to sign my chest. I don’t know what I was thinking. Frankly, I wasn’t.

But she did, without changing her expression or batting an eyelash.

So now what?

I don’t want to wash it off just yet because it’s such an amazing story. With the weekend coming up, I think I can make it through one day of work without showering (much to my wife’s chagrin) and then have two days to show it off. I took the picture you see above and thought I could print it out as an 8×10 and track her down again to get it signed—a unique item, to say the least.

What do you think I should do? (And don’t say tattoo it—I’m not that big a fan.)

UPDATE (4:15pm ET): April Fools!

About the author: is the founder of Autograph University. He lives in the Boston area with his wife and two sons. Connect with him on Twitter at @mattraymond.

5 comments… add one

  • David in WI April 1, 2011, 8:58 am

    Head over to FedEx/Kinko’s and scan/print it!

  • Marc April 1, 2011, 2:13 pm

    Go straight to the doctor’s office. You need serious help lol

  • Jason April 1, 2011, 7:56 pm

    Skin graft…..then mount it.

  • dave Seow May 19, 2011, 11:20 pm


    You could have taken some heavy duty scotch tape and placed it over the autograph and then ripped it off. The sharpie ink would have come off on the scotch tape at least some of it. Er,,, but then again so would your skin. I suppose the Mrs would not be thrilled with the idea of you tattooing it on, would she? Haha


  • dave Seow May 20, 2011, 9:45 am

    I just saw your April Fools update! Oh man you had me going. Anyway if you’re out of cards like I was when I met Celine Dion, get them to sign cash, your actual dollar notes. Celine did for me. It was a pristine new note and it is still in pristine condition as I’ve kept it nicely in a plastic folder and I don’t touch it with my bare hands. It’s been 11 years and it’s as good as new.

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